We all have stories that we tell ourselves about what is possible for us in life. Our stories are not true, and yet they are one of the best ways of predicting our future, should we decide to hold on to them.

When we choose to accept and believe our stories, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We either take no action at all or we take poor action. We don’t give our full effort because we feel like we already know what the result will be.

Imagine you open the front door one day and see vacuum salesman at your door.

You’ve actually been looking at different vacuums lately and are interested in buying a new one.

The salesman assumes you will slam the door in his face like all of the other neighbors so far and all he can muster at the end of the day is:

“You want to buy a vacuum…?”

“Well is it a good vacuum?”

“I’m not sure, nobody else wanted to buy it so far.”

“Oh okay, I guess not then, thanks.” And you shut the door.

The vacuum salesman goes home, completely defeated, and thinks to himself: “at least I tried.”

The vacuum salesman made the mistake of confusing poor action with bold action. He had a story in his mind that said: “Nobody wants what I have. Each time someone doesn’t want what I have the value of what I have goes down. I’m not good at sales.”

What stories do you have in your mind about what is possible for you?

How are your stories influencing your actions?

If you believe that you are not funny you will never take a risk and make a joke.

If you believe you can’t earn more money you will dabble in projects here and there but never really see anything through until it is profitable.

If you don’t believe you are capable of having a healthy, loving relationship you will break things off before they get too serious. You think it will end badly anyways. You may do this consciously or unconsciously.

You may be taking action everyday. You may approach 5 women each day after work. But if you do this with the presupposition that it won’t work out anyways, you will always act in an hesitant way.

Poor action doesn’t get you the result, it just confirms your negative stories.

Sometimes we are afraid of trying too hard because if we truly gave our best in a situation and it still didn’t work out, then our inner critic will tell us our best is not good enough.

But what if you take bold action and it doesn’t work out, doesn’t that confirm your negative stories as well?

The message here is not that you need to believe you are the sexiest man on earth and all women want you. You don’t need to believe that you will never get rejected.

To take bold action you don’t need to believe that you will never fail, you just need to believe that you will eventually succeed.

Everyone who takes bold action fails repeatedly. There aren’t some people who are successful and some people who are failures, there are just people who are willing to fail for the result, and people who aren’t.

Bold action is attractive. Bold action displays certainty and confidence.

It says “I have a right to pursue my desires. I have a right to express myself fully. It is masculine and therefore gives you a much better chance at attracting an amazing woman and having great connections.

Amber Grubenmann

Amber Grubenmann

Amber is a dating coach based in Santa Barbara, California. She’s passionate about helping nerdy guys find the love they deserve.

She is currently working at the Center for Social Confidence as a writer and dating confidence coach.
Amber Grubenmann