How To Break Free From Old Negative Stories About Yourself
Do you doubt yourself? Do you constantly hear a critical or negative voice in your mind that tells you that you don’t measure up? Are you ready to transform this poisonous mindset and end the lies so that you can return to your natural state of boldness, confidence, self-love, and belief in your abilities?
Today’s episode is all about creating complete self-confidence by getting rid of the self-made lies and stories that hold us back from achieving what we want in life.
For many of us, these stories were created a long time ago as part of our childhood. Perhaps even before we can remember, there were moments in which someone told us a personally hurtful falsehood that we bought into because we hadn’t yet learned to stand up for ourselves: they criticized us relentlessly for some supposed shortcoming, or constantly expressed frustration with us, or very blatantly used words like “fat,” “stupid,” “ugly,” or “worthless.” Maybe they just put an unreasonable amount of pressure on us to achieve amazing grades, or play sports, or sacrifice our love for art or music.
Whether well- or ill-intentioned, this message was transmitted and has stuck with us for years, metastasizing into a poisonous fixation that can weigh down your entire life.
Even now, as you’re reading this and possibly being reminded of negative events and relationships in your life, you may be experiencing some discomfort. This, however, is a discomfort that you must learn to face.
When you run from something, it runs your life.
Your compulsion to suppress or ignore these memories is only creating and reinforcing patterns of fear and avoidance. Not only will they keep you from revealing your true self, but they will also keep you from getting close to people and creating the future you want:
- If you believe that you’re ugly, you will never be fully open to creating an intimate relationship and accepting a lover’s admiration.
- If you believe that you’re stupid, you will never accept your potential to hold down an amazing job.
- If you believe that you’re worthless, you will never form the kind of friendships that will provide satisfaction and love.
These sorts of beliefs dominate your life in the worst possible way, and to eliminate them, you must first face them.
As they say in Woody Allen’s film, Bananas, “You’ve got to suck out the poison.” But how do you do that?
Let’s start by addressing one lie. Can you think of one from your own life? Maybe it’s old; maybe it’s a new lie that is being drilled into your head on a daily basis. As a side note, if you are currently enduring an emotionally abusive relationship in which the other person is berating you regularly, you will have an impossible time trying to make this work. After all, how can you expect your brain to let go of negativity and accept positivity when it’s continuously being bombarded with abuse? While I would already suggest taking a long, hard look at this relationship for the betterment of your mind and spirit, your interest in this process should intensify that recommendation tenfold.
In the meantime, let’s look at this lie: for most of us, this will be a lie that we’ve perpetuated all on our own. We repeat it in our minds multiple times per day like a song we can’t get out of our heads.
Do you have that lie in your head? Great: press the “Stop” button. Now, ask yourself what the opposite of that tune is. What is the exact opposite of that lie?
- Is it, “I am beautiful!”?
- Is it, “I am brilliant!”?
- Is it, “I am fearless; a warrior; industrious; physically capable of anything; worth a million bucks!”?
Whatever the opposite of your lie is, say it to yourself right now! Think it, say it, write it down—whatever you have to do, just get it into your consciousness as soon as possible and begin to affirm it as you seek the incontrovertible truth in it. Then, say it, think it, and write it down again and again until you stop questioning it.
Why must we beat this into our brains so aggressively? Because that traitorous voice in your head is going to fight back against this rhetoric . . . HARD.
Once in a while, that voice is going to creep into your mind, reminding you of all the evidence of its terrible lie. When it does, you have to smack it away and remind yourself of the truth: that lie was one person’s words. Even worse, that person came to judge you with their own ugly lies that were hurting them and keeping them from experiencing their full potential. Chances are, that lie was just a projection of their own fears and failures . . . it has nothing to do with you.
When you hear that voice, you must ask yourself whether you want to live your life ruled by another person’s lie, or free yourself from that bullshit and open yourself up to experiencing something new!
This is a decision you can make right now, in this very moment: I am done believing the filthy lies that someone else made up for me!
Twenty seconds from now, your mind might go right back to that lie, and you’re going to have to say it again and continue by reaffirming your new truth: I refuse to affirm this lie; it’s not true, and I don’t believe it! I am beautiful [worthy, smart, kind, etc.]!
Too often, when we do this work, we get stuck in a ping-pong game of positive versus negative thought—in order to break free of that, we must continuously reinforce the opposite of the lie as often as possible. When you do that, you begin to replace the broken record with a healthy, positive affirmation—you take immediate action that builds confidence rather than beating it down; you give yourself the power to take control of your own life; you make the conscious choice to transform your entire world and live in your own terms. This power exists within your already—let’s begin to break down these lies so that you can finally access it!
Please share your experiences with these lies below! What lie have you always believed? Why has it become so deeply engrained? What is the opposite of that lie, and how is that new truth positively affecting your life? I want to make sure that we’re sharing everything we learn from our work so that we can all support one another and help each other on this journey.
Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.