How can you have the confidence to approach a woman, or go on a date with a woman when you don’t have a lot of money?

“Sooner or later she will have to find out that you are not able to pay for fancy dates, right? Might as well avoid that situation all together.”

The main purpose of thoughts like these are to keep you safely snuggled in your comfort-zone.

Here are 3 reasons why money is not what is holding you back from dating incredible women:

You don’t have to carry it as baggage.

We all have areas in life where we feel like we haven’t reached our full potential yet.

But you don’t have to be perfect to be lovable or to date. In fact, one of the great things about being in a relationship with someone is that you get to watch them grow and evolve through their challenges. You get to see each other experience life and you get to support each other on your individual journeys.

So how do you get a woman to perceive your lack of money as part of an exciting journey that she would like to accompany you on, rather than baggage she wants to avoid?

There are two main ways:

  1. Accept it. If it does come up, let her know you are okay with it and it is not a source of insecurity or misery for you. This is especially relevant to things we truly can’t change like our appearance or past. This area of your life is not perfect and you accept it as is.
  2. Work on it. You accept yourself as you are, but are taking steps to move forward in this area. This area of your life is not perfect yet. You are aware of it but not emotionally hung up on it. Consider the difference between these statements: “I’m definitely growing in that area.” VS. “I’m really poor.”

 

Either way, your relaxed energy about the situation will influence her perception of your financial status.

Women are attracted to qualities, not things.

Women are not attracted to money. Money is a piece of paper. They may however, be attracted to the qualities that a man has to exhibit over a period of time in order to eventually earn large sums of money.

Clarity and certainty. Drive and ambition. Passion and focus. Strength and resilience.

These are all qualities that you may have today, even if you don’t have the tangible result in the form of money quite yet. A “starving artist” for example, may exhibit all of these qualities without having money as a result yet.

That being said, some women don’t value these qualities very highly. Some women value intimacy and love over ambition and drive. Some women value adventure and freedom over clarity and certainty.

How important these qualities are depends entirely on the woman you are dating. If you both share the same values, money will not be an issue.

It’s not so much what you do, but how you do it.

Most women would agree that they would rather go on a fun, energetic, low cost date with a man they can really connect with, rather than an extravagant, expensive date at a fancy restaurant where they feel awkward or bored.

You can spend 1000 dollars on a date and still have no guarantee of a second date.

Women care more about how they feel on a date, than how much it costs for you.

You may succeed at temporarily impressing someone with flashy dates, but eventually a confident woman won’t settle for less than a person she has amazing experiences with.

The truth is, some of our most cherished moments in life were simple. I know I can meet up with my best friend, sit on a bench in the park for a few hours, and leave feeling like I had the most amazing time.

Your focus should not be on impressing her with the amount you spent on the date, but rather on creating an exciting, mysterious, and fun adventure for her.

The energy you bring to the date will be the energy she feels.

Your financial situation is not what is preventing you from meeting and dating great women. It is your action of not approaching women that prevents you from dating incredible women.

Your beliefs are essentially the rules to the game. If your belief is that women are not attracted to men with lower financial means, then that is how the game will work for you. If you believe that there are women who will value your personality over your money, then that is how the game will be set up for you.

Amber Grubenmann

Amber Grubenmann

Amber is a dating coach based in Santa Barbara, California. She’s passionate about helping nerdy guys find the love they deserve.

She is currently working at the Center for Social Confidence as a writer and dating confidence coach.
Amber Grubenmann