“The fact is: Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world. You are withholding it because deep down you think you are small and that you have nothing to give.” – Eckhart Tolle

John tells me his story, about how women have always rejected him. No matter what techniques he has learned, what lines he has used, tones of voice he speaks in, the result is always the same. Women hate him.

As he tells me this, he leans forward, vein popping out of his forehead, skin flushing red, and pure resentment in his voice. He tells me specific examples of women being rude, or pushing him away.

Later that day he will try to cover his resentment towards women with a pickup line. A specific positioning with his body. A smile.

Most people can tell when you hate them. Even if you can hide it initially, it’s nearly impossible to hide, anger, bitterness, and resentment throughout an entire conversation.

Now you may not think that you hate women, but if you’re having trouble getting what you want from the world and other people it’s because you are not giving it first.

Why do you date? Why do you approach women? Why do you go through it again and again? What do you want so bad that you are not already getting or feeling?

Love, appreciation, connection, acceptance. The feeling of being attractive, or of being truly heard.

How would your results change if you only cared about making other people feel that way? Giving people what you so long for.

Whatever it is that you are looking for, go out and serve it up first. See what happens then.

And I’ll tell you what my coach told me when I got sad after not making a sale: “You are not a part of the transaction. It can’t be that if they buy you feel good and if they don’t you feel bad. They didn’t sign up for that and it’s creepy.”

So if your feelings get hurt when someone doesn’t accept what you are trying to give them, take yourself out of the transaction. They didn’t sign up for that.

Amber Grubenmann

Amber Grubenmann

Amber is a dating coach based in Santa Barbara, California. She’s passionate about helping nerdy guys find the love they deserve.

She is currently working at the Center for Social Confidence as a writer and dating confidence coach.
Amber Grubenmann

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